The past few months, I've been going through a carnival ride of some sorts.
I've gone through the excitement that you get right before the ride starts. Then there is that rush when the ride jolts and propels you back into your seat. You start laughing, wind screaming through your eyes and hair, messing it up for the picture at the end.
Then you get this lull...it happens mostly if the ride isn't up to your excitement standards. The issues isn't with the ride, it's with the passenger. I get bored so easily that it's impossible to find one thing to occupy my attention for a long period of time. Once a task becomes easy, I frantically seek the next hardest thing.
It's been apparent in my constant upgrading of my outdoors difficulty, and this behavior has seeped into my professional life as well now.
There were days that I tried to push these nagging thoughts away (as hinted at in this post). Over the years, I've tried to shift my energy from work into great life experiences in any case...so what if I'm not happy for 9 hours of the day? I counted down the days to the weekend only to compensate for the boredom I was experiencing.
But soon, I often heard of others who were lamenting about similar issues but felt like they were stuck.
And that is when the obsession with change began to incubate. The word "stuck" deflated me. I came to realize it was a feeling that applied to me all too well. I used to throw out phrases such as "one day" and "we'll see" when asked if I would ever try a different profession. But suddenly I had to make "now" and "I will" part of my vocabulary again.
Don't get me wrong, I was terrified. Actually, I still am. In a matter of a few days, I will throw myself into an environment that I am not comfortable in (yet). I'm leaving a job I know I can do well in, and a very comfortable life (*ahem* 3 minute commute). But I've practiced being uncomfortable every time I go on the trail, and I have to remind myself that this is the only way I can grow in real life too. If it's a huge mistake, so be it. On to the next mistake.
For me, it isn't about chasing after the right thing. It's chasing what feels right.
"A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new".